I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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