I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
