I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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