He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
