All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
