U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
