You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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