just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
