yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
