I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
