i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
