elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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