I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Even my vagina gasped.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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