next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
