"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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