If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
