there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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