All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
