yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
