I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
