She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
