I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
