if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
