It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
