you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
