Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Randomize
