and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
being pregnant is like rehab
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
