I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish I only lived at night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
