He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
