I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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