If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
