I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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