u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
3pm strippers are depressing
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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