The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
