paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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