This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
