Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Bring me that man meat
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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