So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
