You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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