Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
