So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
