My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
