My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
