i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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