i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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