My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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