just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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