At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
