His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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