She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
