sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
